words

・falling・

By nabila hanna - 22.25


you're so beautiful

You are so beautiful. I may have denied a lot of things; That I longed for your beaming skins. That I love how they glistened underneath the sun with that intoxicating sheen I have seen in so very few. That I adore how your shirt was always tucked in the most rushed manner. As if it was a last-minute idea, an afterthought.  How you walked down every pavement with your pretty hands dipped in your pocket, leaving destruction of liquid rose quartz on your wake. how your honeyed voice turns as twice as raspy early in the morning. I may have denied how much I love the sly grin between our kisses. How your eyes held an entire galaxy, a sparkling well in which I found myself drown for way too many (You see, I never made the effort to climb out anyway).

You are so beautiful that desert blooms into forest. I may have denied it too. Cause your beauty did petrify me to death. I always wonder if Asteria did bathe you with too much sparks. Or if Ares did grant you with too much malice. The level of torment hidden between the gap of your ribs. Sometimes they are so tangible that I could feel them with my chapped fingers. That your deathless beauty couldn't cover it. 

If a person fell in love, they burst into flame, you said. And it's true. That's why you love to see people burn-you love to see me burn. However, we had quite a different way of perceiving the idea of 'falling' and 'burning'. You said that those languish faces were arts. I say that it's a tragedy. You saw beauty within those flickering souls. I saw grief. You romanticize pain and agony. I romanticize you.

I may have denied it all and believe my denials. Yet you are so beautiful. Maybe it was the fair amount of vodka that root in my brain. Or the suffocating nights I have spent all alone in my apartment that had blinded my eyes and restrained my lips from saying 'no'. 

I wish I knew. That day when you left the scraps of my hearts underneath the moonlight. Or that fucking rosarium where you told me that our meeting was cupid's biggest mistake. I wish I knew it. I wish I knew how to cut you off from my life. But you see, I have the tendencies to be so damn self-destructive for the things that I love. And you were more compelling than crystallized teardrops, so how am I supposed to react?

Now that you finally did the leaving. Now that you're a million light-year away from this mess. I thought to myself, was it worth it? Because after all the mess we made, after all the cosmic turmoil, we didn't get to stand side by side to face the oblivion. 

Your words mean nothing. Forever means nothing if we had nothing. 

(but we had something) 

(we had) 

(or had we?) 

Let's be real. Cause you turned my soul into ashes. You cut my wings and tossed it into the fiery ring of hell. Was it all worth it? Was your beauty worth it?

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