we were two intersecting lines, carrying the weight of our crossing spot. 

we were in love. or so i finally realized on a random tuesday, digging into my takeout plate in despair. what we had was true. whether we betrayed God or was being betrayed by him, i knew that we once stood upon the goodness of love. i went over and over it and my answer stands the same. how did the first love that had the grandeur of Alfeheim's golden gate turns to dusty ruins? well that's another case worth dwelling for. but in the end, there are no odds. we rise and then we falter. this is the cycle of cataclysm. we were bound to be damned. 

you made it clear that you want to see me happy. selfish bastard. and yet, i couldn't elude the power you have over me. you happen to be the moon to my tide, controlling my breath from afar. i'll go to Rome for you. i'll take my master. i'll nurture the Tabebuia argentea that you gave to my mother. i'll wash away the pain. i'll grow up and never let the time touches my soul, it will be as youthful as you preferred. i'll do anything. i'll take any pain. i'll burn down the world if you asked me to. so please, when that spring does come, do your side of the job. walk trough that door and return to me. 

"i'm so proud of everything that you have achieved." was your promised line. mine was "thank you." and despite how much it understate the amount of happiness i have received from you, for what it's worth, i'll say it as it is. you don't know how grateful i am for being able to love as much as i did. to know and to be known. to touch and to be touched. to be a genuflecting ghost, kneeling on every altar to wish you a good night sleep. to carry the weight of our crossing line. to have you break my heart with your silence. this is my final, unspoken, devotion.

you'll have kids and Christmases. i'll have my passport and a heart to heal. i'll watch you settle while you watch me shine. that smile of yours was as haunting as it was. holding me down and telling me to run. the sun is going down in your eyes. oh i'm tearing up now. this is a prolonged tug of war and i'm losing. i'll accept it as our redemption. i'll pay the price of us. so kiss your wife and pass her my gratitude. so long my dove. so long. i can't believe i'm saying this but so long. 

i'm closing the gate.

so long my darling.

my moon.

my brightest star.

i'll see you up in the north.