you were born in a haunted house with swarming ghosts and monsters under your bed.

when you learn how to walk, you find yourself so little amongst all the tall fences that surround your backyard. but your small legs were stronger than what it seems. you can't really feel all the cuts and bruises you got for falling over and over upon the thorny grass. the cold breeze in your face excites you. and with all the monsters and ghosts whispering praises upon your thick skin and your undying courage, you were eager for any new adventures across the clearing. so many rotten hands brought you to the sky. now the fences that you once saw as your biggest restrainments felt like nothing but a small, insignificant, line of sticks. 

on your first day of school, everything was too easy for you. your little mind wanders about the bigger possibilities. ways for you to change the world and mold it to its ideal form. you have potential and you knew it by heart. you started to question the meaning of all of this. back then, the nights were always young. so you sneak out to take a peek at the moon upon the hazy mountains. you howled your melancholy questions. but the echo of it dreaded you more so you went back to your room without hearing the answer. i can figure it out by myself anyway, you thought to yourself. 

when you fell in love for the first time, you find yourself burning in anxiousness. you feel so vulnerable as if your whole existence could break down at any minute. their voice brought you both solace and terror. your thirst for validation was unquenchable. your skin trembled in ecstasy and you were so drunk you couldn't even stand for your own good. you let them decide your value. you let them dictate your way of seeing yourself. your worth and esteem were all over the place but you love it. you love how right it feels to attach your body and soul to someone else and to have them do the same. 

when you had your biggest fight with the ghosts and monsters under your bed, the ground shakes and the sky frowned in disapproval. you were ready to cut ties. your words were hurtful and your eyes were blinded with the desire of winning. back then you didn't realize how formative that experience was for both sides. you couldn't help it. you had your pride and you honor them more than anything this world could ever offer. 

now you're driving miles away from that haunted house, humming a victorious song as you let the car window down, feeling the sense of liberty flowing to your veins. you have everything you need, packed in the backseat of the car. you were ready for your success. the bright lights, the sounds of the crowd cheering your name, the magic of approval. you were so sure of yourself. where it could go wrong? you have the whole world in the palm of your hand. you were freshly 18, you know how to talk for yourself, your mind was sharp, you know how to be assertive. you were outstanding, one of a kind, best in class. the future will surely be easy to conquer. 

but today is your 22nd birthday and you just blew the candles out. as the crowd clapped for a great year ahead, you were holding yourself back from crying your heart out. you were unsure of how you were going to withstand the weight of the world with your now feeble legs. you wonder how on earth you're going to cure all the scars that have been torn to your body. you were all worn out from all those fights you had with those wolfpacks. "i wasn't born for this" you whispered to yourself. you were right. you were not born just to drown within this constant fear and terror. just to take pictures of all the dirty places you've crawled into whenever you seek validation. just to bleed yourselves whenever you fail to afford the price of perfection. 

what can you do about it now? you used to worship life and all its glory. but now, look at you clinging to your deathbed. you used to shine so brightly. now you've scorched yourself into ashes. there's nothing you wish more than to lay your frail bones six feet under the ground. they said that it takes great courage to see the world in its tainted form and to still love it. but bravery is something that had stripped away from your soul a long time ago. an old tale. something you no longer possess. you're showing your true form, marking your own first death as you're going for the free fall. 

feeling ashamed of yourself and the amount of failure you had atop of your shoulder, your thoughts wander to those mornings when you would wake up in that haunted house. the smell of the wet ground, the sound of creaky floor, the coldness of its walls. the memories unveiled themselves before you realized them. your ghost and monsters, your weed-filled lawn, your now waist-height fences. 

you've made up your mind; you're going home. 

a/n : alexa play my gifted kid burnout playlist