You
see, I believe in 'the first line of the novel' supremacy. Or in another less
Gen Z-ish way of describing; I judge a book by Its first line. As for this
book, it starts with:
"I was thirty-seven then, strapped in my seat as the huge 747 plunged through dense cloud cover on approach to the Hamburg airport." –Page 1
Quite basic for a novel with a reversed storyline. However, in a way, that line did strike me with this peculiar sense of melancholy. A heavyweight of the past in my chest, urging me to dive further into each page.
Being 19, shadowed by the weight of the dead, Toru Watanabe wasn't the most cheerful person. His best friend Kizuki committed suicide just right after a nice game of pool that they share, a night somewhere in May. It was an abrupt incident, there was no sign, no words ever emitted from Kizuki, no testament, nothing. The only thing he left was a hole within Toru's life.
"That night Kizuki died, however, I lost the ability to see death (and life) in such simple terms. Death was not the opposite of life. It was already here, within my being, it had always been here, and no struggle would permit me to forget that. When it took the 17-year-old Kizuki that night in May, death took me as well." –Page 34
Now, Toru Watanabe is not the only person who was heavily affected by Kizuki's death. Naoko was Kizuki's girlfriend. To say that she was devastated would be a huge understatement, Naoko was lifeless. What happened with her boyfriend took so much of her and now she was made only of the past.
Things get a little complicated when Toru ended up falling in love with Naoko. Or at least he thought he had fallen for his dead friend's ex-lover. I hardly believe that it was love, but well, we will get into that later. They knew each other for years, naturally, because of Kizuki. The thing is, they both were too broken, to begin with. Naoko was full of her own problems and so does Toru. So, instead of actually starting to date, they maintain a friendship for a year. They met every Saturday to walk and talk.
Then when everything seems to settle for a bit, things start to go south. Naoko lives every day in the wake of her soulmate's death, and it suffocates her. Or at least that's how I personally perceive it. It was too much and she barely can cope with it.
In the end, once they get to this place, they don’t want to leave –they were afraid, to leave. The residents of Ami Hostel eventually stayed there for the rest of their life. They forgot how to build themselves up in their previous life, where concrete responsibilities exist. Where moral obligation, social hierarchy, and financial issues subsisted. And I understand that from the depth of my heart. I’d do it too. I would never have the gut to make a comeback in the real world –not when such heaven existed.
But for how long this pseudo-peacefulness can keep one’s heart contempt? A golden cage is a cage, an isolated life would make you feel isolated.
Toru did visit Naoko every once in a while. He stayed with Naoko and her roommate Reiko for a night or two, trying to get a better glimpse of what actually happens in Naoko’s head.
He had his own conflict, yes. Toru was torn between himself and Naoko. Naoko was nearly hopeless, or so he bitterly admitted. But Watanabe Toru, even in his miserable days, had to survive for his own. He also had a life. He was in his early 20. The age where constructive steps were taken, the age where he was supposed to live to the fullest. From my perspective, Naoko was a burning burden for Toru, a setback, but also a source of solace. A companion who shares the same pain Kizuki had left.
While Naoko retreats deeper into her own world, Toru met Midori. A ‘fiercely independent and liberated’ young woman, as quoted from the book. Toru was drawn to Midori and the way she simplifies every obstacle the universe had thrown into herself. She was talkative, blunt, her ideas were crazy, a real bargain’, she had described herself to Toru. Watanabe Toru found himself slipping as he started to question his feeling towards both of them.
“I have always loved Naoko, and I still love her. But there is a decisive finality to what exists between Midori and me. It has an irresistible power that is bound to sweep me into the future. What I feel for Naoko is a tremendously quiet and gentle and transparent love, but what I feel for Midori is a wholly different emotion. It stands and walks on its own, living and breathing and throbbing and shaking me to the roots of my being.”
I’m not going to go on a more detailed description of the plot, I have a feeling that I have spoiled too many things here. So, in honor of your literary experience, I will talk about the general overview of the novel from now.
Haruki Murakami did a wonderful job on this book. I should address his brilliant way of associating The Beatles' Norwegian Wood with the plot of this novel. I just couldn't grasp the fact that he structured an entire novel just from the lyrics: "I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me." If you were to read this novel, before opening the first page I would highly recommend taking a minute to listen to this masterpiece. And right after reading it, listen to the song once again and you will see how that single line tied everything into one concrete storyline.
I feel like in a way Naoko, Toru, Midori, Reiko, and all the characters in this alternate universe are relatable in their own way. Their perspectives in life were so diverse and it represent so many values and backgrounds. Reiko and her tragic part, Midori and her curious nature, Toru and his tendency to listen, Naoko and the madness inside her head. I enjoy my time diving into each character's mind. Analyzing their past and connect it with their decision-making system in the present. It intrigued me how much trauma can affect someone's life, even years later.
As for the journey Watanabe Toru had to undergo, it was coated with blood and guilt, and uncertainty. But it was detailed. I feel like I could understand Toru the best due to Murakami's generosity in describing his daily life in the midst of the major conflict that occurred. Even as the main character of the story, Toru defines himself as an 'average'. He posses an ordinary face, a small amount of money, and no unique talent. The only thing he's good at is listening. He was always the quiet one in every relationship he shares, both platonic and romantic. So to understand him, I rely more on the description of his dorm life, his college days, his part-time jobs, his friends, the books he was reading, all the small things. It helps me to see him and the decisions he had made in a much better sense.
Naoko, on the other hand, was left in the dark. The letter she wrote to Toru was the only chance for me to take a deeper glance at her messed-up head. It lead to several misunderstandings, I had to say. Reading the novel, I remember calling her selfish, indecisive, and loveless. Both Kizuki and Toru devoted themselves to her, but it seems that she was just simply incapable of loving. The decision she made at the end of the novel seems plain to me. Now that I think about it, it was so ignorant of me to say that, because Naoko had A LOT of things in her head at that time. You can't really judge someone's capability to contain those kinds of things. I don't think I would survive one day living as Naoko.
Now, to me, the ending of the novel felt unreal. As if this book weren't supposed to just end that way. There are so many unanswered questions, unrelieved pain, unfinished journey. But I think that's just the actual representation of life. There are many times we have to break up from a relationship without proper closure. With so many questions still linger in our heads. Where did it go so wrong? What could I have done to prevent it from happening? Who's going to take the blame? Those questions prevent us to grow out of that relationship. To move on, and continue living. But life goes on, time spares no one. If we were to follow those suppositions, life will leave us frozen in the same place where everything ends. That is what happens when I finally reach the end of the story. I was frozen. I could not process the fast-paced strings of events that rolled. It was a fun experience though, I'd highly recommend it.
A friendly warning that this book could be extremely depressing. Mentions of deaths and extremely detailed descriptions of sexual assault (and intercourse lol) can take an emotional toll for some people. In this sense, I don't think I would recommend it to minors (less than 17 years old), or someone who was dealing with certain stress and traumas.
Also, I just read that they had turned this brilliant novel into a movie. I haven't watched it though. In a way, I want to protect my own idea of Naoko and Toru. I want to protect my own pictures of the mountains, of the sets, the nuance of each scene, and all the visual aspects of the novel. But if you want to watch the movie, feel free to. Tell me about it after watching the movie.
I feel like I have said everything I wanted to, and I don't really want this post to be that long. So yeah, I guess I'll end it here. Thank you so much for reading, have a nice day! XOXO
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